To enjoy a child, be a child!

 

Today, as I care for a person suffering from dementia, I see there is a childlike behaviour that takes place progressively.

The first reaction would have been to become impatient with this behaviour.

But when Annikki was studying for the Montessori course, she could not type, whereas I had a good typing speed. She would wait till I got home. During the day she would research and prepare her notes. After dinner, she would sit by my side and dictate her notes to me. 

That way I was fortunate to have a great teacher without any effort on my part as she got 98%, continuously for 3 years,  for her work.

But what is more important that God saw what lay ahead of me and taught me all that Montessori was all about, preparing me for what lay ahead.

The main thing I learnt from her thesis is that the Montessori philosophy is that the Child is the Fsther of Man,

Now as I care for my loved one, I believe She is the Father and I learn from her day by day, to laugh and be happy, happy just as the children she raised so lovingly over the last 56 years. 

She never even once got angry with them!

 

When today she repeats a story from her past, 20 or 100 times, I listen patiently. 

When she laughs, I ask her what makes her laugh and laugh with her.

I was an impatient person, always wanting to get ahead in life. Annikki has always been a meticulous person and every thing she did, she knew the purpose.

I have tried to become like her. I admire how she tackled my impetuousness and my desire to run before I could walk.

Today I am calm and collected and enjoying her beautiful childlike behaviour.

 When I am away from the room, she will call to ask where I am, just like a child calls for her father. I reply and she understands and is reassured that I am nearby. 

That is all I can do today, reassure her that love is nearby and at her service. 

It is a pleasure for me to know that I am not forgotten but always still in her thoughts!

Just today a friend sent me a note which I reproduce below. Remember, this is a two way street!

 Nagma Khan

To enjoy life like a child you need to have certain other traits of a child. Some of them are listed below: (Please feel free to add more)

• Do NOT hold grudges  - let go off anger and bitterness, they benefit no one and they will harm YOU the most.
• Find happiness in little things - you don't have to be a millionare or you don't have to be the successful person to be the most happiest. A happy person finds happiness even in the most simplest of things. Try and be happy with whatever you have.
• Do not be TOO content - well seemingly I am contradicting the previous point but actually I'm not. Just like a kid finds happiness in certain things but they are never too content, they are always on the move, venturing out to try new things. Similarly in one's life one should always strive to do better each day, learn new things,outperform themselves. As someone put it,

"Learn to be happy with what you have while you work hard towards what you want"

• Never give up - just like a kid, no matter how many times you fall down, no matter how much you get hurt, always have the courage to get up and the faith to go on.
• Learn to trust - one of the most remarkable things about kids I think is the way they can trust their parents, family, etc. That way they will have complete faith that no matter what happens, their loved ones will be there for them. If only all of us can trust our loved ones like that so many problems can be avoided.
•  
  Annikki and her childlike laughter
  
  
  
• Laugh a lot - yes, even at the most stupidest of jokes, even at your own miseries, with your friends or alone, just laugh away. Laughter is an awesome medicine!
• Think positive - look forward to each day just like a child looks forward to an ice-cream treat, accept life as it comes and have a positive outlook, this change of perception works wonders!
• Pray - do it everyday just like kids do, it will give you the scope to reflect on your life and sort out many issues. If you are an athiest then you may try meditation. Cleanse your soul, your mind automatically clears out.
•  

Thank you Nagma Khan for this lesson.

All these points above are the lessons that Annikki taught me 3 decades ago when she was studying her Montessori course.  

Every evening, before we go to bed, Annikki, even in her childlike behaviour, will ask me to tune in on YouTube to a sermon from her church. 

She will listen for an hour to the pastor who talks the language of her heart. Every word is pure gold to her! 

Then I tune to an YouTube channel (a Canadian singer and violinist Rosemary Siemens) which plays soft hymns. There are hundreds of tunes, but even with dementia taking over her life, she can remember every tune, and she can silently aing thetunes she knows. (Music is one of the last traits that vanish in dementia. As a child, Annikki sang all the time, and even today she tells me that when she went to school, in the class breaks, she sang continuously. And she had a beautiful voice.)

As she drifts into sleep every, I slowly dial down the volume. When she enters her deep sleep, I close the singing, knowing that she is at peace with the world.

Change from a decade

As you know I have been a Mac addict since 1984. With reason?

When I got my first Mac Portable in 1991, a PowerBook 170, I travelled by train between Oulu nad Helsinki when Annikki and I were on our way to India. That was probably the only computer on the portable train.

Since then we had the appearance of many computers. Whenever I have travelled there were no Macs other than mine, but just many brands running the Windows operating system.

On Sunday I travelled for a quick visit to Helsinki. On my way back I noted that there were four computers being used by the people in the seats at the side and in front of me.

The persons in the seat in front of me had a PC and was playing games and watching CDs. It was a Windows based laptop. The seats adjacent to them had two computers running. One was an architect doing house design and he was running a Metallic MacBook Pro. Th seat adjacent to him had a lady who was watching a film and that was on a white MacBook Pro.

In the seat absolutely next to me I had a music diretcor working on his music, who was running his MacBook Pro.

I noted that during the journey the Windows machine had to be rebooted at least 4 times.

None of the Mac even coughed the entire way of 7 hours.

And I did note that the PC had to be recharged but none of the Macs was even plugged in the entire journey.

I think this experience speaks for itself! What say you?

Dandia brings alive India House

Last Sunday, India House in Oulu was throbbing with the sound of Indian Music and Dances. The cultural group planning and preparing for the programme for Saturday the 12th of June in Oulu was busy, practicing.

As one apartment was free, I was able to allow them to use it for the practice.

But the ladies found they needed more space.

From India House Garden

They moved to forecourt to practice the Dandia dance.

The sound of the the sticks and the rythym of the dance certainly had all the onlookers hearts throbbing. If it was any indication of what is to come on the 12th evening, it is going to be just great. We have so much beauty, brawn and talent in Oulu.

Yes, India house was really alive.

Thanks, ladies!

We are welcomed...

The North East monsoon is here in Madras, a steady and welcome rain. Our driver, Thirumeni, who is store of history at every street corner and at every politicians house, said the Gods had welcomed our visit to Chennai with wonderful rains which had considerably cooled Chennai for our visit. He has a great sense of humour and although my Tamil is virtually non-existent, he speaks in a dialect that my Malayalam makes it easy to follow. He works for a company called Ganesh Travels and as he is not the regular driver for my other family members, does not know the addresses and locations of my numerous relatives in the city. But he is resourceful enough to find out fast!

On Friday morning I devoted myself to meet my two cousins and their husbands who were my guardians when I was studying at St. Stephen’s College, Delhi.

Mammikochamma and and husband, Kuttachayan, (Mrs. and Wing Commander (rtd.) A. G. Mathews) live in the Defence Officers Colony in Nandambakkam.

I first visited the house where Annikki and I had stayed in 1970-1971 in that colony. It was still lush and beautiful but the grass that Annikki had laid in the midday sun was no longer there.

My cousins were as sprightly as ever, even though they are late 70s and mid eighties. Mammikochamma produced her old albums of photographs, so much so that I vowed to return on my next visit with an efficient scanner and to scan her glorious collection. It is a goldmine of history and something to be treasured. Unfortunately, due to damp, many pictures have been damaged.

Their house is magnificent and designed very cleverly to accommodate children and grandchildren when they come. We laughed over many of our past memories together and they remain so dear to me.

On to my other Delhi guardians. This time I did see Chennai traffic in rush hour. With the rain having cut away almost two lanes on the major roads due to water logging, the traffic still moved, albeit slowly. There was no massive tangle we had witnessed in Bangalore.

We reached Ashwathykochamma and Thambichayan’s (Mrs. & Mr. K. M. Jacob) new house on the Thirvanmuyur outskirts of Chennai to be greeted by them and their daughter-in-law, Mich. Ranjeet and Mich are building a house nearby.

We laughed about how when Annikki had insisted on living on the city outskirts when we lived in Madras, we were scolded by everyone about living away from the city. At that time we were no more than 7 minutes from the city centre! Now the same journey takes between 15 to 30 minutes and no one complains!

We relived our wonderful times in Delhi, where my cousins Suresh and Rajen and myself would go and spend wonderful weekends in their home. It was so tiny but there was space for everyone and the food was glorious. Those were the days, but what is important none of us have forgotten the bond that was created during our childhood years.

When I reached home I got the news that Sashank’s father, Dr. Subramanyam, had invited us as his guest to a concert at the Bharat Sangeet Utsav 2009 to be given by Sashank. Could anything be more wonderful than that. Sashank has been invited many times in the last 25 years when he was a child prodigy, to this festival, the best in Carnatic music, but his international tour schedules never gave him the opportunity to take part. And we were given pride of place to be invited by him to witness his poweress.

Lunch at the Kabul where we tasted some authentic Afghani food, and while Annikki rushed to the shopping Mall City Centre to do some financial mischief, I caught up on my email. She was back in time for us to join Sashank and his father to go to the auditorium.

The performance was spell binding. Sashank and his friends were simply outstanding, and the music was electric. I have never been to a concert of Indian Classic Music, but it was worth every minute. The audience cheered as Sashank asked them what they wanted to hear and rendered each item with a gusto and precision that becomes only a maestro. His young years are not a hindrance. Later in the evening when I asked him how he managed to retain the compositions in his brain, he quickly responded that he had performed with ferocious regularity over the last 25 years, the music was imprinted in his brain.

There was no sheet music in front of any of the artists, but they blended so beautifully that I was amazed at the skill of these artists!

We rushed back home to get dressed and go off to our Kanadthil family dinner at the home of Kunjukochamma (Mrs. K. M. Mammen Mappillai) wife of the late K. M. Mappillai, the founder of MRF Ltd. over 70 years ago. He was my mother’s youngest brother and they were so close that much of his strength was derived from the brother-sister relationship. She had held the family together when it went through many of the major crisis which would have split the family.

Mika, Annikki and I were the first to arrive (Finnish style - on time) and only my aunt was there. It was good to renew our association after 10 long years which had seen the demise of my mother and her husband. She is still the wonderful personality she has been since I attended her wedding in the late 1940s when this home had been our family home. Although modernised it was still a home that generated most pleasant me mores of our past. A fitting place for a family reunion.

Almost everyone of the family of my generation and the one after and their children attended. The only major omissions were my siblings and their spouses. They did not have the courage to show their faces as the hypocrisy and their behaviour as criminals would have not have been missed by all those present. They would have to answer just one question “My father died in 1993 and my mother in 2000. Where are their wills and assets?”

The only inheritance that I received was the magnificent zebra cloth hand-stitched art piece that Annikki had made for my mother and which had hung as a centrepiece in her home for all her life in both Bangalore and Madras. It now hangs in our home.

All the assets of my parents as well as the personal possessions Annikki and myself, and my personal assets which we had had left behind in India, had been carved up between my brother, my sister and my nephew in Australia. I cared a damn as these ill-gotten gains would haunt them through eternity!

The evening, thanks to their absence, was something which I can never forget. The love and affection showed by my cousins, their children and grandchildren who attended, was a tribute to my grandfather and grandmother, whose memory lived in all of those of my generation.

From the Oommen family we had three sisters, Accakuttykochamma, Mammikochamma and Ashwathykochamma and many from the generations after. From the Eapen family we had Kunjumonchayan and also many from the generations after. From the Varghese family, no members from my generation but a grand attendance from the generations after. The Philip family was represented by Senchayan. And from the Mammen Mappillai family, besides our hostess, Vinoo and Arunm and late Ravi’s wife, Meera, and many of the subsequent generations including one who will next August become a member of the family, attended. Two Stephanians in the lot. There was no one from the Cherian, Jacob and Mathew families in Chennai to attend.

The dinner was typical Kerala and was catered by one of the leading restaurant groups in Chennai. The food was superb and the atmosphere was so beautiful. And Vinoo (K. M. Mammen who is presently the Chairman and Managing Director of MRF Ltd.), Meera (wife of Ravi, Mrs. Meera Mammen, who looks after the real Human relations of MRF Ltd. staff and workers), and Arun (Arun Mammen, who is the Joint Managing Director of MRF Ltd.), who were the organisers of this event should be proud that, if they want they can bring together the family in a spirit of their grandfather. Although Annikki and I will not be here to partake in such events, as was expressed by Vinoo’s wife, Ambika, they need such events where family can be family.

I remember my family home in Mumbai and Bangalore, and finally in Chennai, was the meeting point of many generations, spurred by my mother. I hoped that a lesson was learned and understood that without family unity, no one would have been where they are today.