To enjoy a child, be a child!

 

Today, as I care for a person suffering from dementia, I see there is a childlike behaviour that takes place progressively.

The first reaction would have been to become impatient with this behaviour.

But when Annikki was studying for the Montessori course, she could not type, whereas I had a good typing speed. She would wait till I got home. During the day she would research and prepare her notes. After dinner, she would sit by my side and dictate her notes to me. 

That way I was fortunate to have a great teacher without any effort on my part as she got 98%, continuously for 3 years,  for her work.

But what is more important that God saw what lay ahead of me and taught me all that Montessori was all about, preparing me for what lay ahead.

The main thing I learnt from her thesis is that the Montessori philosophy is that the Child is the Fsther of Man,

Now as I care for my loved one, I believe She is the Father and I learn from her day by day, to laugh and be happy, happy just as the children she raised so lovingly over the last 56 years. 

She never even once got angry with them!

 

When today she repeats a story from her past, 20 or 100 times, I listen patiently. 

When she laughs, I ask her what makes her laugh and laugh with her.

I was an impatient person, always wanting to get ahead in life. Annikki has always been a meticulous person and every thing she did, she knew the purpose.

I have tried to become like her. I admire how she tackled my impetuousness and my desire to run before I could walk.

Today I am calm and collected and enjoying her beautiful childlike behaviour.

 When I am away from the room, she will call to ask where I am, just like a child calls for her father. I reply and she understands and is reassured that I am nearby. 

That is all I can do today, reassure her that love is nearby and at her service. 

It is a pleasure for me to know that I am not forgotten but always still in her thoughts!

Just today a friend sent me a note which I reproduce below. Remember, this is a two way street!

 Nagma Khan

To enjoy life like a child you need to have certain other traits of a child. Some of them are listed below: (Please feel free to add more)

• Do NOT hold grudges  - let go off anger and bitterness, they benefit no one and they will harm YOU the most.
• Find happiness in little things - you don't have to be a millionare or you don't have to be the successful person to be the most happiest. A happy person finds happiness even in the most simplest of things. Try and be happy with whatever you have.
• Do not be TOO content - well seemingly I am contradicting the previous point but actually I'm not. Just like a kid finds happiness in certain things but they are never too content, they are always on the move, venturing out to try new things. Similarly in one's life one should always strive to do better each day, learn new things,outperform themselves. As someone put it,

"Learn to be happy with what you have while you work hard towards what you want"

• Never give up - just like a kid, no matter how many times you fall down, no matter how much you get hurt, always have the courage to get up and the faith to go on.
• Learn to trust - one of the most remarkable things about kids I think is the way they can trust their parents, family, etc. That way they will have complete faith that no matter what happens, their loved ones will be there for them. If only all of us can trust our loved ones like that so many problems can be avoided.
•  
  Annikki and her childlike laughter
  
  
  
• Laugh a lot - yes, even at the most stupidest of jokes, even at your own miseries, with your friends or alone, just laugh away. Laughter is an awesome medicine!
• Think positive - look forward to each day just like a child looks forward to an ice-cream treat, accept life as it comes and have a positive outlook, this change of perception works wonders!
• Pray - do it everyday just like kids do, it will give you the scope to reflect on your life and sort out many issues. If you are an athiest then you may try meditation. Cleanse your soul, your mind automatically clears out.
•  

Thank you Nagma Khan for this lesson.

All these points above are the lessons that Annikki taught me 3 decades ago when she was studying her Montessori course.  

Every evening, before we go to bed, Annikki, even in her childlike behaviour, will ask me to tune in on YouTube to a sermon from her church. 

She will listen for an hour to the pastor who talks the language of her heart. Every word is pure gold to her! 

Then I tune to an YouTube channel (a Canadian singer and violinist Rosemary Siemens) which plays soft hymns. There are hundreds of tunes, but even with dementia taking over her life, she can remember every tune, and she can silently aing thetunes she knows. (Music is one of the last traits that vanish in dementia. As a child, Annikki sang all the time, and even today she tells me that when she went to school, in the class breaks, she sang continuously. And she had a beautiful voice.)

As she drifts into sleep every, I slowly dial down the volume. When she enters her deep sleep, I close the singing, knowing that she is at peace with the world.

Remembering one's dad

20th November is a day that I always feel deep in my heart as it is the birthday of my late dad.



After finishing his schooling in Bishop Cottons, Bangalore, (where later he was the Chairman of the Old Boys Association), he did his first degree in Mathematics at Madras Christian College, Tambaram, Madras, and then studied Electrical Engineering at Imperial College, London, in the early 1930s.



He worked as a student in Germany, before his return to India to marry my mother in 1936,

I do not know his earlier job positions although I know he served at the Sivasmudram Dam Hydro station, at the Jog Falls Hydro Station, as the Superintendent Engineer in Mysore City Electricity where amongst other jobs he was in charge of the lighting of the Maharaja's Palace, and then in Bangalore where he crossed swords with the Chief Minister Hannumanthaiya on principle so as to resign and move to his first assignment as Engineering Manager in Bombay in B.E.S.T.

From there he became the Chief Engineer of B.E.S.T, then served as Engineering Adviser in Killick Nixon (which included Bombay Suburban, and several electricity companies in Gujarat) and finally as Chief Executive of Tata Consulting Engineers (TCE) which he took from being a small engineering consulting company to be India's most prestigious engineering consultants.

Even after his retirement, he set up and guided the Bangalore Office of TCE, one of the finest engineering consulting centres, while at the same time sitting on the Board of Mysore Power Corporation supervising the design and construction of the Raichur Thermal Power Plant. He also was an Adviser to the Kerala Power Corporation.

Kuriyan Matthan, as was his name, was a fun guy all through his life till his sight was reduced through a series of problems which started after his 60th birthday which led to his retirement in 1972. With the reduced vision he lost his most favourite hobby, to solve, in writing, mathematical problems and to do crosswords.



I pay quiet tribute this day to my father on this his 96th birthday.



This was one of the last photographs of him taken by Annikki in 1992 when we visited India. He passed away in 1993, a few weeks after I paid him a visit to say my final goodbye.

Even at that age he was man enough to apologise to me for what problems had transpired between us and for him to tell me that he loved me. Tears were in his eyes when I left the front door to go to the airport. As I looked back out of the car window, although he could not see me, he was waving goodbye from the front steps, seated on a chair that he had insisted be brought out to see me leave.

He never showed the enormous power he wielded. However, what sticks out most in my mind is the way he had of dealing with people of all ages, as he gave them all equal respect and importance.

His best friends were the lowliest of those who worked with him, as the driver of his car, or a line electrician. All these "insignificant" people, in later life, were prepared to give their arm and their soul for him and his family!

I hope that this is the one most important characteristic that I have learnt from him!

I am proud he was my dad!