Today, as I care for a person suffering from dementia, I see there is a childlike behaviour that takes place progressively.
The first reaction would have been to become impatient with this behaviour.
But when Annikki was studying for the Montessori course, she could not type, whereas I had a good typing speed. She would wait till I got home. During the day she would research and prepare her notes. After dinner, she would sit by my side and dictate her notes to me.
That way I was fortunate to have a great teacher without any effort on my part as she got 98%, continuously for 3 years, for her work.
But what is more important that God saw what lay ahead of me and taught me all that Montessori was all about, preparing me for what lay ahead.
The main thing I learnt from her thesis is that the Montessori philosophy is that the Child is the Fsther of Man,
Now as I care for my loved one, I believe She is the Father and I learn from her day by day, to laugh and be happy, happy just as the children she raised so lovingly over the last 56 years.
She never even once got angry with them!
When today she repeats a story from her past, 20 or 100 times, I listen patiently.
When she laughs, I ask her what makes her laugh and laugh with her.
I was an impatient person, always wanting to get ahead in life. Annikki has always been a meticulous person and every thing she did, she knew the purpose.
I have tried to become like her. I admire how she tackled my impetuousness and my desire to run before I could walk.
Today I am calm and collected and enjoying her beautiful childlike behaviour.
When I am away from the room, she will call to ask where I am, just like a child calls for her father. I reply and she understands and is reassured that I am nearby.
That is all I can do today, reassure her that love is nearby and at her service.
It is a pleasure for me to know that I am not forgotten but always still in her thoughts!
Just today a friend sent me a note which I reproduce below. Remember, this is a two way street!
Nagma Khan
To enjoy life like a child you need to have certain other traits of a child. Some of them are listed below: (Please feel free to add more)
- Do NOT hold grudges - let go off anger and bitterness, they benefit no one and they will harm YOU the most.
- Find happiness in little things - you don't have to be a millionare or you don't have to be the successful person to be the most happiest. A happy person finds happiness even in the most simplest of things. Try and be happy with whatever you have.
- Do not be TOO content - well seemingly I am contradicting the previous point but actually I'm not. Just like a kid finds happiness in certain things but they are never too content, they are always on the move, venturing out to try new things. Similarly in one's life one should always strive to do better each day, learn new things,outperform themselves. As someone put it,
"Learn to be happy with what you have while you work hard towards what you want"
- Never give up - just like a kid, no matter how many times you fall down, no matter how much you get hurt, always have the courage to get up and the faith to go on.
- Learn to trust - one of the most remarkable things about kids I think is the way they can trust their parents, family, etc. That way they will have complete faith that no matter what happens, their loved ones will be there for them. If only all of us can trust our loved ones like that so many problems can be avoided.
Annikki and her childlike laughter- Laugh a lot - yes, even at the most stupidest of jokes, even at your own miseries, with your friends or alone, just laugh away. Laughter is an awesome medicine!
- Think positive - look forward to each day just like a child looks forward to an ice-cream treat, accept life as it comes and have a positive outlook, this change of perception works wonders!
- Pray - do it everyday just like kids do, it will give you the scope to reflect on your life and sort out many issues. If you are an athiest then you may try meditation. Cleanse your soul, your mind automatically clears out.
Thank you Nagma Khan for this lesson.
All these points above are the lessons that Annikki taught me 3 decades ago when she was studying her Montessori course.
Every evening, before we go to bed, Annikki, even in her childlike behaviour, will ask me to tune in on YouTube to a sermon from her church.
She will listen for an hour to the pastor who talks the language of her heart. Every word is pure gold to her!
Then I tune to an YouTube channel (a Canadian singer and violinist Rosemary Siemens) which plays soft hymns. There are hundreds of tunes, but even with dementia taking over her life, she can remember every tune, and she can silently aing thetunes she knows. (Music is one of the last traits that vanish in dementia. As a child, Annikki sang all the time, and even today she tells me that when she went to school, in the class breaks, she sang continuously. And she had a beautiful voice.)
As she drifts into sleep every, I slowly dial down the volume. When she enters her deep sleep, I close the singing, knowing that she is at peace with the world.
