The seamier side of my life

Yesterday, I told you of my first love - my Miss Universe who has been at my side for 44 years and as my partner for 41 years.

But alas, man is weak, and there have been several women, besides my wife, who have shaped my life.

My latest love affair is just 9 days old, and is a girl who has not yet got a name. She is a great bundle of joy. I call her "Kochmol", which means "Little Girl".

She is the latest addition to our family, born on Sunday, the 20th of January (9 days ago) here in Oulu.

Our new granddaughter, whom I am calling Kochmol,
till her parents decide on a name for her!

She joins a beautiful young lady, Asha, who has been a great joy in my life for the last 10 and a half years.


Asha in 1998 (Photo by Susanna).


Asha in Newcastle in 2008. (Photo by Susanna.)

Asha entered my life 10 and a half years ago, and there is not a day when I do not think of this beautiful baby who has grown to be a poised young and highly talented lady and, above all, a loving granddaughter.

When I think of my grandchildren, I must say that the two ladies, my gorgeous daughters, who have "ruled" my life started as similar beautiful babies:


Susanna 1968.


Joanna 1971.


Joanna 1989.


Susanna 2006.

Although one of them describes me as an "anarchist hippie" and the other as a "workaholic", I still love both of them dearly. If they love me even 10% of how much I love them, they remain the apples in my eyes. (Fact: I have not ever been and am not an anarchist, hippie or a workaholic!)


Nalini as a baby in 1938.


Nalini with the British Queen Mother in 1960,
at the Opening of the new wing YMCA in Fitzroy Square, London,
just a few months before her demise.

Another lady, who has by her very absence, been a lasting influence on my life is my late elder sister, Nalini, who died after childbirth in 1960. I know her spirit in my heart has been watching and looking after me all through these last 48 years.

The lady who has most influenced my life was one so simple and kind and yet so powerful that no one realised her shrewdness. An only daughter and the only sister to 8 brothers who loved their sister dearly, she held them together to control them to build the huge family publishing and industrial empire from the time her parents passed away in the early 1950s till her own demise in 2000.


Ammachi in 1934 when she graduated from
the Women's Christian College, Madras.


Ammachi with her dog, Tippu, in 1976,
after returning to Bangalore.

My mother, Ammachi, inherited her kindness and gentleness from her mother, Valliammachi, my grandmother, and her shrewdness and business acumen were from her father, the late K. C. Mammen Mappillai.



One personal example will show you the nature of my maternal grandmother.

In 1950, when we were visiting Kottayam, the family of uncles and cousins, several tens of us, decided to go on a trip to Periyar, the Elephant Sanctuary. The day before, I ate too many jackfruit causing me severe colic pains. I was really ill. It was decided by the powers at the top that I should be left behind as it would be too dangerous to take me on such a long trip.

I was heartbroken as only a child of 7 could be. I was left in the custody of Vallammachi. I was feeling as fine, but was really feeling emotionally upset. Valliammachi had been instructed to keep me on a total light liquids diet.

In Kottayam, in her home, such an atrocity was just not possible.

Within minutes of the family members leaving for the elephant sanctuary, I was treated like a little Prince and given every delicacy she could summon, including a healthy dose of the offending jackfruit which had caused the colic problem initially.

I could not have had a better day in my life than that in the company of such a grand lady!

And this remained a secret between us till today!



The last lady who played an immense effect on my life was my paternal grandmother. A tiny woman, no one would have suspected the powerhouse that she was.

She brought up her 10 children, 5 boys and 5 girls with a whip hand to make all of them outstanding students and the 5 boys became top professionals during their life time. (One was a senior administrator in the Mysore Government, the second headed Tata Consultancy Engineering Services, another worked for the Shri Ram Group as their senior Administrator, one headed various sections of Indian Railways and also the Intergral Coach Factory in Perambur, and the last ended his career as the Chairman of the Life Insurance Corporation of India!

As the wife of one of the Mysore Maharaja's senior administrative officers, she was formal enough to run her household in accordance to all the rules laid down by the aristocracy. She ruled her dining table with such firmness that children knew they were children to be seen and not heard.

Yet she was a mellow as a lamb outside of her hours of duty. In her later years she was a loving character who could not have enough of the company of her grandchildren. She outlived her famous husband, Dewan Bahadur Mysore Matthan by over 20 years.

During that time she was respected and adored by all her grandchildren.

My love affairs with these 9 women are what made me what I am TODAY:

They say that behind every man is a woman.

I am proud to say that behind this poor human being there have been 9 outstandingly great ladies.

Secret revelations: The women in my life

Annikki in 1964. at her favourite pastime -
chalk crayon drawing on the green grass of Woodchurch Road (Photo by Josey).


Annikki in 1966 , the day we announced
our engagement at Woodchurch Road, London.

When I was courting my Miss Universe, one would think there would never be any other women in my life!


January 1967, The most beautiful bride of all time
arrives at St. Mary's Cathedral, Shrewsury.


As a married couple, 41 years ago to this day, we leave the church
to embark on our difficult journey through life.

Annikki became my Mrs. Universe.


1967: Annikki becomes a mother for the first time.


Annikki's brood in 1974, Madras (Chennai)

Then Annikki became my Mother Universe. A more capable mother there never has been. She brought her children up in the most difficult of circumstances with never a complaint!


March 1997: First grandchild, Samuel.


Annikki with her first grandchild, Samuel.


January 2008: Annikki with latest grandchild.

In 1997 she became my Grandmother Universe.

Annikki, besides being the most beautiful woman alive, is also one of the most principled persons you are likely to see on the face of ths earth. In all my 44 years with her she has never been able to tell a lie, not even a white lie! She would rather say nothing than tell a fib! And what gave her all these Universe titles are her creativity in so many ways - from cakes to interior decor and creating art from rubbish, and even in her novel methods of educating her children.

To see her in her fullest glory, do visit the website A Tribute

So one would suspect with that string of "Universe" titles, there would be no other women in my life!

How wrong can you be, as I expose all!

But you will have to wait till tomorrow, as it would be shameful to tell this part of the story on this our 41st Wedding Anniversary. :-)

Pleased as punch?

Posted on my Jacob's Blog, the Oulu CHAFF Blog, the Mumbai Cathedralites Seventh Heaven Blog and the Delhi Stephanians Kooler Talk Blog.

Does the term "pleased as punch" refer to the condition after drinking an ample amount out of the Punch Bowl (remember Annikki and I are teetotallers) or is it some condition of Punch in the "Punch and Judy" Show?

However, Annikki and I were pleased as punch yesterday, whatever the origins of this phrase.

As was conveyed to most of you by "Manorama JM" yesterday, our younger daughter, Joanna and her husband, Tony, have produced their 3rd child, 3.49 kg in weight, 52 cm in length, at 15:35 on Sunday 20th January 2008.

Samuel and Daniel are very happy with their new baby sister, who is our second granddaughter, and just as beautiful as lovely Asha in England.

Our new granddaughter.

Daniel with his sister.

Samuel and Daniel with their sister.

Samuel with his sister.

Joanna watches her brood after the proceedings of the day.

I took these pictures (with my camera which is held together by sticky tape) at the hospital for Annikki, who cannot leave the house as she is looking after her mother. Grandmom was so pleased to be part of the event! And greatgrandmom was also quite thrilled to hear the news.

Annikki is the only one, who from the time she saw Joanna in mid-December, has been saying that the baby would be a girl!

Knowing Samuel and Daniel, this little girl is likely to grow up as a tomboy!

O-India Pongal / Shankaranti Celebration in Oulu

Pongal / Shankaranti Celebration in Oulu

by

Jacob Matthan

Photographs by

Vishwanath Mallabadi, Sreekanth Kanjarla, Nagendra Kolar

There could not have been a more auspicious celebration to launch the activities of the O-India Group representing the concerns and interests of Indians resident in North Finland (Oulu, Raahe, Kajaani and Rovaniemi).

The season in mid-January represents, amongst many things, the ascendancy of the sun, the abatement of the north-east monsoon and the harvesting season in many parts of India. It is celebrated under different names by all communities in all corners of India.

An event was organised by the local Indian population at the Oulu Kolutuskeskus on Asemakatu where everyone brought a small amount of their home prepared Indian vegetarian food.

The early arrivals waited expectantly for the proceedings to begin.

The evening started with an Introduction by Kiran Kumar Nataraj, one of the founders of the O-India Group.

Then to the melodic voice of Sulochana, four Indian ladies performed the traditional welcome Arathi Pooja.

This was followed by a short talk by Nageshwari who told the audience of the national meaning of this period of the year.

The whole audience were then divided into four groups representing four of the great rivers of India. It was then time for some fun games while the audience enjoyed chips and soft drinks.

Dumb Charades organised by Shalaka and Ashwini was a great fun, and the audience proved to be very experienced at this game.

This was followed by another popular game organised by Kiran, of identifying the songs associated Indian movie clips. It was interesting to see how this young audience was so clued up of hits before they were even born!

The last (luckily for me) game organised by Nisha and Sunil was more active in that blindfolded audience members had to pin thetail on the elephant.

The game which was abandoned due to lack of time was supposed to be make a fun scapegoat out of me!!!! The Good Lord was on my side vis-á-vis the mischievous Mallu couple! :-)

The games were followed by a scrumptious dinner with Srini providing the base with Tamarind Rice and Hot Pongal (prepared in the attached kitchen). A special thanks to Pizzeria Göreme who provided us with the large cooking vessel. The dinner had preparations from all parts of India, as egetable Curry, Dry Spicey Potato, Kheer, Sweet Pongal, plenty of delicious ice cream and lots of Mango phool! The food vanished but there was plenty for all.

(Nagendra replaces Bala as the camerman
in the second shot.)

And after all the O-Indians left the organising team could sit back and relax for a few minutes.

Already calls are coming in for more such events. And we are sure that will be many such events in the coming years as the people who are running the O-India Group are YOU, and all of you are enthusiastic and energetic youngsters.

Why we did not get one important greeting

Annikki and I just received a letter which told us why we DID NOT get one important Season's Greeting in the many thousands that arrived here in Oulu!



This aerogramme from our former driver, Narayanan, brought tears to both Annikki's and my eyes.

Narayanan was the driver for the Tata Consulting Engineers (TCE) office in Madras in 1970. The office was being closed, and my dad, who was the CEO of TCE told us that they would be ending the service of a driver whom he thought was a wonderful individual.

Narayanan became my family driver in 1970. As he spoke a smattering of good English he became a confidant of Annikki who had just settled in Madras.

As I was in the process of establishing my Consulting Company, Polymer Consultancy Services, which required me to travel extensively in India, I was greatly blessed by Narayanan who took care of Annikki and the children with so much love and affection that he became an important member of our family. Every time the children got into the car, he would make sure that each one was safely seated before he started to drive - pre seat belt days.

When we moved to Bangalore in 1976 he continued as our company driver in Madras till he started his own taxi service till his retirement.

On every visit we made to India after we moved to Finland, Narayanan was there to drive us around in Madras.



When we went to India in 1991-92, he turned up with his whole family to see us. I have many beautiful pictures of him and his family with Annikki and me, which we greatly treasure.

His annual greetings were a great comfort to Annikki and me as we knew he and his family were doing well. When we did not get his greetings this last holiday season, both of us were wondering why.

Then this letter brought us this sad news of the demise of his wife and the loneliness that has crept into his life.

Our prayers go out to him and his children as we know they will miss a wonderful lady who had helped Narayanan live a good but tough life and raise a wonderful family.

We, and the many guests of ours whom he looked after with such love and care, grieve with Narayanan and his family.

A postcard from John

Posted on Jacob's Blog and the Stephanian Kooler Talk Blog.

John Dayal is a Stephanian much junior to me and one I have grown to respect and appreciate for the work he does selflessly for the interests of all minorities in India. I give below the text of an email postcard I just received from him. It speaks volumes of the situation in India.

A postcard from the Kandhamala, Orissa 10th January 2008

Dear Friends

Thank you very much for your support.

I returned home to New Delhi a couple of hours ago after spending fourteen days in Orissa – six days in two phases in the hills of the Kandhamala district of Orissa in the week of the Christmas 2007 violence against Christians, and unfortunately four days in an Intensive Care Unit of a Bhubaneswar hospital after a diabetic ketoacidosis collapse. I am grateful to Doctor Neeraj Misra of Kar Hospital, and Father Bernard and his brother priests at Bishops House in Bhubaneswar who nursed me back so I could travel home. I had gone to Orissa on 28th morning, after meeting Union Home Minister Shivraj Patil and his officers in North Block, New Delhi.

Kandhamala still shivers under a mist laden with a foreboding – that something dark and violent may happen on what is called Makar Sankrati, a pleasant and happy occasion that should mark the beginning of spring, but which, in this part of Orissa, marks the season when the Vishwa Hindu Parishad maverick resident abbot Lokhmananda Saraswati, the man at the root of all trouble, who reserves his most vituperative fulminations against Christians for this occasion. The gentleman is currently in Cuttack-Bhubaneswar but threatens to go back in the next three four days to his forest ashram.

The Orissa Government’s own blanket of darkness over Kandhamala does not help. No one really knows the full plight of the Christians in the refugees’ camp at Barakhama village-town. Relief groups and civil society are still barred from the area, despite repeated pleases by organizations of the stature of CARITAS, EFICOR and the like, and personal appeals by Archbishop Raphael Cheenath.

There has been an unreported death – the death of civil society in Orissa. There is no Digant Oza, no Teesta Setalvad, and Javed Anand, no Harsh Mander and Harsh Sethi, no Shamsul Islam-Neelima Sharma and their street theatre Nishant, no ANHAD and SAHMAT equivalents in Orissa, and the above name too are yet to come to the State and to the national Press. In their absence, mischief and white lies have a field day. Television News anchors quote Lokhmananda and speak of debates on conversion. Not one paper calls for relief and assistance and legal aid.

I intend to go back to Orissa after about a week or so after regaining health and writing out the White Paper. I released the preliminary report in Bhubaneswar, just before I took ill.

The following needs to be urgently done in Kandhamala, other than the work of relief and rehabilitation.

1. Re-building civil society. We need to, and I hope to be able to, organize at least four national seminars – one each in Calcutta and Hyderabad, which have had an organic relationship with Orissa in the past, and one each in Delhi and Mumbai to focus attention on the growth of fascism in hidden parts of India and how to meet the challenge as collective civil society, and not as a response only from the victim communities.
2. Organizing legal assistance: This has to be on a par with the organized legal assistance that helped put the trauma of the Gujarat victims in the lap of the legal system. This has to be multi tiered. We need par algal activist to help villagers file FIRs for their burnt houses and shops and their displaced families. We need legal assistance to trace out culprits. We need legal assistance to defend innocents that are being trapped by the police in the guise of `parity’ between communities. We need this before evidence is lost or false `evidence’ manufactured by a governance system that has totally sold itself out to its Coalition Dharma with the Bharatiya Janata Party. And we need to investigate issues of impunity in the matter of the mysterious police firing in Braminigaon.
3. We need to tell Civil Society in India and abroad that the attack on Christians in Orissa is at par with the repeated mauling of Muslims in Gujarat and other states, and an integral part of the Sangh Parivar’s ideology.

I hope to be able to analyze some of threes issues in larger essays soon.

I am sorry to record that till the film maker Mahesh Bhatt came to Bhubaneswar and addressed a press conference with Maharashtra Minorities Commission vice chairman Abraham Mathai to denounce the Sangh Parivar and warn of its designs, no other worthy had dared do so.

And till All India Christian Council president Dr Joseph D Souza and New Methodist Bishop Joab Lohara shared the stage with Dalit leader Udit Raj, there had been no visible protest of any magnitude in the capital of Orissa.

I regret that Union Home Minister Patil did not visit more places even more than I regret that the National Minorities Commission did not visit any place other than the town of Phulbani.

In a way, I thank the handsome and smug Inspector General of Police Kapoor, who had me escorted out of Phulbani on 29-30 December 2007 and the sarcastic Divisional commissioner, the subdivision police office and the circle inspect tor of Braminigaon whose language and behaviour, in a flash, made me understand that the apparatus of governance stood firmly on the side of a particular ideology.

I wish to close with my thanks, and those of my family, once again to the Catholic Fathers of Orissa, in particular Fr Bernard, Fr Nicholas Barla, Fr Mrtiyunjay and Fr Madan, Rev Pran Patrichha, Dr Anna and the MC Sisters for their love and care.

I salute the brave Nuns, Pastors and Priests of the Kandhamala, tribal, Dalit and always rooted in the soil of their mother hills.

And I wish to salute Archbishop Raphael Cheenath, SVD, who defies his 73 years, to provide Orissa the sort of leadership the late Archbishop Alan de Lastic provided us all in 1998 and later.

Happy New Year

John Dayal
New Delhi

Safe in a country far away from where John is, my heart bleeds for all those in such distress. My prayers go out to all those who have a belief that India will remain the wonderful secular society that I was brought up in.

Back again to our teeny weeny world

Posted on my Jacob's Blog, on the Mumbai Cathedralites Seventh Heaven Blog, on the Stephanian Kooler Talk Blog, and the Oulu CHAFF Blog.

Glad to get back to regular blogging.

The last two weeks were a delight in that we were were not snowed under by snow, but with love and affection and greetings from all over the world.

(Sadly, as an aside, this is the first time in the last 23 winters we have been in Finland (and Annikki's some 40 winters she has been in Finland out of her 63 winters) that we did not have snow in this near Arctic location. Remember we are just 200 km from the Arctic Circle! A sad reflection of the effect of global warming!)

Into our 10 email addresses, 5 Blog Accounts, 3 Google Groups, our mobile phone number, our landline phone and our snail mail postbox, a total of just around 70000 (YES 70000!) season's greetings poured in.

I had a task sorting them out and then updating mailing addresses in our numerous mailing lists, grouping them into the various groups, i.e., family (Maliyakals and Kandathils), friends (Indian, Finnish, world), Mumbai Cathedralites, Delhi Stephanians, Bishop Cottonians (Bangalore), Findians, CHAFF Participants, O-Indians, past colleagues, present colleagues and others - making sure we were not sending out duplicates or to dead addresses and then send our greetings to all on our lists. (If it was not for 3 trustworthy Macs working round the clock this task would have been impossible for just one computer idiot!)

Out of a total 37000 postings (the last ones were today), I am glad to say that this year we had hardly around 300 returns! I had taken out all those who had university addresses in the US and UK, and that had cut the mailing list from the 80000+ to this more manageable figure.

We are sorry to all whom we may have missed.

But this is proof that we have a teeny weeny world of our own. But this teeny weeny world is even smaller than we thought!

A few weeks ago I had about 6 emails, all with the same attachment - some pictures of the Old Bombay - a truly great collection of pictures. Most of the emails were forward.

One of the persons who forwards me great emails is Cathedralite from Mumbai) 56er Ubi (HS Uberoi). (Another is Cathedralite 49er from Mysore, Naval Patel.)

When I looked at the forward I noted that it was from his daughter-in-law, Anahita. Besides Ubi, she had forwarded it to one Farookh Mehta.

I sent an email to Ubi asking him whether this "Farookh" was the same "advertising" Farookh who was married to a great Maharashtrian stage actress, Vijaya. I explained to Ubi that we had sailed together from Venice to Bombay in 1969, round the Cape, and Farookh had beaten me in the Table Tennis final on board the ship. Farookh played well on a tilting and listing ship!

Ubi's reply was swift as it was amazing. Yes, this was the self-same Farookh, who was also a Cathedralite of the 47 era, married to the Maharashtrian stage legend, Vijaya, and whose daughter, Anahita, who had been a few months on that voyage was Head Girl in Cathedral School in 1985, when Ubi's son, Samir, was Head Boy, and the two were married!

A year or so ago, Farookh and Vijaya's son, Ravi Khote, had passed through Finland and I had talked to him about his parents.

Since this exchange of emails I have had emails and photographs from Farookh, which I will blog soon.

But the moral is that our teeny weeny world is much much smaller than we thought!