Unwanted tragedy and our Open Obituary

Ashok Kapur
Born 19th April 1943, Died November 2008
The funeral will be held at Bainganga at the end of Walkeshwar Rd towards the Govs residence, Mumbai today 29 Nov at 4 pm.

Dearest Madhu,

As the world wakes up this morning, Annikki and I cry with you, dearest Madhu.



For the past 48 hours or more, ever since 59er Shivi (Retired Captain Vijay Shivdasani) wrote to me that a “friend” was missing in the Mumbai episode, and a few hours later, 59er Ooky (Elijah Elias) told me that the “friend” was our most dearest and precious 59er Ashok, Annikki and I have been in constant prayer for him, you and your entire family.

Ashok was the first of my “friends” that Annikki met in 1964 in London. Since then Ashok was never just a “friend” to Annikki, as she knew that bond that existed between us 59ers was not just a friendship but something much deeper and closer than even a brotherhood.

When I started the Seventh Heaven Web page, a few months later, our very dearest 59er Bala (Bala Parasuraman) died in a kidney transplant operation, Annikki and I dedicated our web effort to bring together a group of people around the world who had more in common than just being the Class of 59.

What I write here today is, not just of the thoughts of Annikki and me, but people across the world who are feeling the deep sense of grief that we know you and your family are going through at this instant, as we are, with you, part of that FAMILY.

I did not start our Seventh Heaven Blog or Google Group to send out sad news such as this. But with the passing of Ashok, I have to use this medium to communicate across the globe and shout into the vast Universe - please God let this senseless killing stop.

Madhu, Annikki and I are socio-political animals as we fight, peacefully with the power of the pen, for justice.

On March 31st 2003, when the Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said the U.S.-led war on Iraq would produce "one hundred new bin Ladens", driving more Muslims to anti-Western militancy, he did not tell us that it would result in the death and destruction of innocent lives of many non-Westerners around this globe. He did not tell us that it was OUR innocent brothers and sisters that would be destroyed by a gangs of people, organised armies and unorganised armies, both terrorists, who hide behind a facade of political viewpoints of their choosing, and ethnicity, religion, colour, caste and creed, to cause the pain and suffering to you and us.

As Annikki and I drove out of a supermarket about 12 hours ago, 59er Ooky called me and informed Annikki and me that one of our dearest brothers had lost his life in the Mumbai terrorist attack. His voice was shaking with the deep emotion and pain that he was going through as he asked me to relay this news around this globe. I cried and Annikki cried as we sat in our parked car and understood the pain that you and your family and all of us would go through as we faced this horrible reality.

Ashok Kapur, born 19th April 1943, was a leading member of the 59ers. He and I were appointed Prefects in Cathedral School already in the 10th Standard. Cricket wicket-keeper for the school as well as playing as inside left in our school hockey team, Ashok was also a good badminton player. As a friend of his who was playing badminton with him recently said, Ashok was still a good player!

Ashok was a wizard with numbers and with people, which was why he went into banking. Although coming from different parents, we were twins in many ways, not just because we are both Arians!



Ashok’s entire family was like my family just as much as he was part of ours. The Marine Drive house was more than home to me as both Ashok’s parents would greet me, and all of us his classmates, with broad smiles and open arms, a glass of juice, and something sweet, whenever we even dropped in casually. Sister Pramila’s home was open house to me when I was studying in Delhi.

Ashok was the contact for me with my 95 year old uncle, Mr. K. M. Philip, (father of 53er Sen Philip and 58er Peter Philip), your next door neighbour in Petit Hall on Napean Sea Road. Every year Ashok would do me the favour of dropping in to wish my uncle and report back to me on his health. This personal relationship was deeply valued by every member of my extended family as they saw Ashok and you, not just as neighbours to Mr. and Mrs. Philip, but as our eyes and ears in the life of our uncle.

Madhu, you had a miraculous escape and we thanked God for that even as we prayed and prayed constantly for the safe return of Ashok. But with each passing hour we knew in our hearts, and as many of us kept a prayer vigil across this globe, that we had lost one of our most beloved brothers.

It is difficult to write the Obituary of such a dear friend as every word brings back memories and the tears gush from the eyes. I have started this several times but stopped as each word has a depth of emotion in my heart that makes it impossible for me to convey the grief that is there.

Who would have thought that our Ashok will not be there at our 50th Reunion next year? His passing has redoubled my intention to bring together every 59er and his / her family so that we be together for a short while and know each other as Ashok and I knew each other.

But he was present at this year’s Founders Day Cathedral Church Service representing our 59ers. He was there at an event that evening and as 57er Bhupinder Singh Anand and School Captain of us 59ers in 1959, put it to me when he asked me to convey his grief to you and your family, he told me how Ashok had modestly said to him that he was “the founder of YES Bank.”

Dear Jacob,

I am distressed to just learn from a flash message on TV that Ashok Kapur, Chairman of Yes Bank, was slain in the terrorist attack on the Taj.

Please convey my condolences to his family, friends and colleagues through your network, who have been anxiously seeking news of his whereabouts and welfare through the police helplines over the last 24 hours.

I embraced him warmly - alas too briefly - at the Class of 1958 dinner at the Joss a couple of weeks back, with a feeling of pride at his self-made achievements in life, as he modestly informed me that he was the founder Chairman of Yes bank.

Bhupinder Singh Anand

Ashok started his career in banking at the very bottom, attending the National Grindlays Banking School in London. He used to live in the Bank Student Quarters in Blackheath in deep south London. I would visit him there regularly. He would also often travel up to north London to meet up with me, just to gup shup about “things”.

Even after leaving school we stayed in close touch, visiting each other and staying with each other whenever we visited the city where the other lived. On one of my rare visits to Calcutta, I remember him as the Branch Manager in a Grindlays bank when he took me there to show me the unopened computers the Union had not permitted to be used.

When he was in Delhi, I had many choices as to where to stay - Ashok being one who would always insist that I stay with him. As he said in a recent email, when he was late in acknowledging my birthday greetings as he had been away in Dubai, we were both Arians. Whenver I visited Delhi we would meet for lunch in Connaught Place when he was the Branch manaager there. In Bombay i would visit him in the Flora Fountain Branch when he was going through his most troubling time in his bank career as he stood on HIS principles and suffered the consequences, happily! Probably only you, Madhu, and I know those details as it spurred him to even greater heights and greater success in his fabulous banking career!

Although I have conveyed our deep feeling of personal bereavement to you and children through Ooky, this open letter to you comes not only from Annikki and me but every member of the Class of 59. I know that I do not need to ask their permission to include them in my signature!

Annikki and I have been numbed by the impact of this news as we grieve one of our dearest friends. I am sure that every person who knew Ashok will also claim that he was their dearest friend - as that was the very emotion that Ashok evoked in everyone. That was why he was the successful banker!

One not need look further than the last mini-reunion which was held in Mumbai to reunite our class with Trevor Newnes - which was hosted graciously by you and Ashok at your residence. Ashok wrote to me to tell me that he had missed Annikki and me there and thanked me for bringing us 59ers together.

Madhu, I could write a volume of our personal relationship but this may not be the time and place. As we go through this sleepless night I will put together my photographic record of Ashok which spans the 54 years of our relationship when he sat next to me in Mr. Timmin’s 6th Standard on the first floor and welcomed me to the happiest days of my life in our Cathedral School.

The Class of 59 will remember all our departed friends this coming November.

I am sure that Ashok will be there amongst us in spirit and we will all honour him together.

Madhu, Ashok was not alone in passing as we also ask all our friends to remember another greatly loved Cathedralite teacher, Mrs. Roopinder Randhawa, who lost her life at the Taj Hotel. Along with tributes to Ashok which have poured into my email Inbox, I have had many remembering this wonderful teacher, whom I did not know, but now know was in many respects like Ashok - dedicated to those around them.

Madhu, the tears have not stopped flowing in this Arctic wintry location. It is just past 4 am, 12 hours since Ooky informed me. In those 12 hours there has not been a second where I have not had Ashok and all of you in my mind.

Dearest Madhu, Annikki and I pray that his soul will rest in peace.

Your friends in deep shock,

Annikki and Jacob
Along with every single member of the class of 59

Reason for no updates

Annikki and I are immersed with the details of organising the funeral of her mother, Hilja, who passed away last Sunday.

Hilja's Orbituary announcement - Kaleva 07.09.2008.

The funeral will take place on at the Intiö Iso saali (Chapel in the cemetery) at 15:00 hours.

We have had two tragic losses of loved ones during the last 45 days.

Our dear cat, and friend for over 17 years, Iitu, passed away with cancer which affected her kidneys. She was part of our day to day life from morning to night and through the night. Neither Annikki nor myself have yet recovered from that loss.


Iitu as a kitten in 1991.


Iitu's first and last set of kittens in 1993.


The perfect mother.


Iitu wants a share of my birthday cake.


A daily routine as Iitu stops me reading the newspaper by lying on it!


Iitu enjoys her TV - Annikki's table top aquarium.


Iitu's coffin.


Iitu at her final resting place in Vesaisentie
- the home of Tony, Joanna and grandchildren Samuel, Daniel and Maria.

Hilja, whom Annikki has cared for the last 24 years and, intensively, for the last 7 years, since her father passed away, (and whom I helped care for during the last few years) was very much part of our daily life.

She was in excellent health when she left home at the beginning of August. She contracted the deadly Hospital Bacteria while she was in the Kielokoti Old People's Home. She was rushed to hospital and then moved to the ODL Hospital.

There, in her weakened state, she was hit by pneumonia.

The old lady fought valiantly for her life. Finally left for her personal paradise at 17:49 on Sunday 31st August 2008 holding Annikki's hand on one side and mine on the other.

But she had told us many many times over the last year that she was ready to go to her "Heavenly Father":


The beautiful Hilja at her wedding in 1942.


Hilja carries Jaakko, with Aino and Annikki
with Susanna in the foreground - Oulu 1969.


Matias, Hilja, Annikki and Tuomas -
Out for a walk in the summer of 2003.


Hilja enjoying her meal.


Hilja with her latest greatgrandchild, Maria, in 2008.


Hilja with daughter, Annikki, granddaughter, Joanna, and greatgranddaughter, Maria - 2008.


Annikki takes her mother out for the last time - August 1st 2008.


RIP Hilja - 31st August 2008 at ODL.

Her passing has left a huge void in our life as we will miss her wit and humour.

Even till the very last she would mimic my poor Finnish language pronunciation.

She was in her senses till the very last . She recognised my voice the day before she passed away. When I greeted her, while she lay in some pain in her hospital bed, she replied in her normal way to me - "Thank you, Nothing special to tell you!"

Annikki used to pray and sing with her after putting her to bed every night. I will miss those quiet peaceful hours they had together before she went to sleep.

It will take us awhile to settle into the new situation where two of the most important family members of our daily life of the last 17 years have moved on.

Sadness prevades the air

I did not intend for any of my Blogs to be columns for births, marriages and deaths, and especially not the last.

This last week was an especially sad week. I have to record not just the passing of Annikki and my dear cat, Ittu, our nearest and dearest friend for the last 17 years, but two wonderful other Cats.

Nilina Parkar was a 54er whom I came to know when I helped their class organise their 50th Year Reunion in 2004.



54ers Sadhana (née Shah) Madhusadan and Suhas Phadke informed me of the passing of this gentle lady on 3rd August 2008. This was what Sadhana had to write about our friend

I received the very sad news this morning from a close friend in Pune that Nilina passed away late last night. She was in a coma. Mercifully it must have helped to ease the pain. At the end of her mortal life, she looked peaceful is what I gather from news from London.

We had a long conversation on her birthday 26th July when she completed 69 years. We chatted and she even spoke in Tamil and we both laughed. I was imploring her to try 'wheat grass' juice to bring up her immunity and the trooper that she always was, she promised she would check out with Health Food stores and get some ...on Monday.

Sadly, that was not to be. She was so happy that her "Darling son " had been to see her the day before...there was a lilt in her voice which I hadn't heard of late.. there was much to look forward to, once, just once she got back her strength...

This was the inimitable and most outstanding feature of my darling, feisty friend Nilina... She was always of positive mind. A challenge was just that... a challenge. To be met with and tackled. She would help out with her Pune Housing Society's Accounts, correspondence, even the gargantuan task of getting the entire complex repaired and painted.

Now, whenever I pass the Kalpataru Habitat at Koregaon Park I feel happy to see the sparkling new cream and green buildings.. her own handiwork.. Where did she get all that energy from? All this while her own flat was turned inside out and refurbished.. new tiles, new veneer, new colour on the walls and woodwork. How completely happy and satisfied she felt with the place looking so new and inviting... for her next trip to India.

I could go on & on. But, my heart is too full and I think this is time to keep quiet and pray to God to accept this loving, genuinely courageous spirit in His/ Her Fold and to set it free to enter Nirvana.

Nilina, we will always love you and miss you !

Om Shantihi, Shantihi, Shantihi !

Yours,

in grief,

Sadhana

The funeral will take place at Putney Vale Crematorium, Stag Lane, Putney, SW15 3DZ( Tel: 0044 208 788 2113 ) on Friday 8 August at 1.40pm

Her son :
Raj Parker, 31 Rosehill Road, London SW18 2NY (Tel. 44 208 875 1580)
raj.parker(at)freshfields.com

Prayer meetings will be held in Mumbai and Pune between 5.30 and 6.30 pm on August 8th
Three minutes silence will be observed at both the meetings at 6.10 p m to coincide with the time of the cremation.

Mumbai venue:
Minal Patel's residence at Malabar Court, Ridge Road, near WIAA, Malabar Hill.

Pune Venue:
Chandrika Naker's residence at 9-C Cjurina, Marigold Apartment Society, Kalyani Nagar, (behind Gold Adlabs.) Pune

Then I received the very sad news of the demise of a new friend, a 64er Jean Maneckji. This was the tribute that was sent to me about another womderful Cathedralite.



When one experiences death so close by, even something as "just" an animal, one understands the pain and suffering of those near and dear to the one lost. Our hearts bleed. But as many told me when I was in tears,

"Just remember the wonderful years that you enjoyed with your friend".


The bundle of joy 17 years ago.


Iitu waits for the share of my birthday cake.

Every day since the passing, as we enter our home, we think of Iitu. Tears well up in our eyes.

Then I think of all the wonderful other Cats who have passed on.

Annikki and I reminisce about all the loved ones who are no more. We think of the many blessed minutes, hours, days and years we enjoyed with our friends. Sadness can turn to a warm feeling, that they are safe from harm's way and yet very near to our hearts.

May Nilina and Jean rest in peace.

Do let their loved ones know that they are not forgotten in our hearts.

Happy 90th birthday, Nelson Mandela

Happy 90th birthday to the world's greatest politician, leader EVER - Nelson Mandela. May he have very many more.

Copyright: Photograph from Dismantling Apartheid

He has taught mankind through his sincerity to his cause - the people of Africa.

Thank you Nelson Mandela.

Obituary: Husband of Nalini Punnose (née Patil)

In the 50's and 60's we had a wonderful teacher in the girl's school by the name of Nalini Patil. She married an officer in the Railways, Mr. M. G. Punnose.

Today, thanks to 64ers Rajiv Ved and Deepak Deshpande, I heard of the sad demise of Mr. Punnose. (Obituary Notice below from The Times of India.)



Our family knew the Punnose family very well. Nalini was a close friend of my mom and dad. In Bombay, she used to attend the St. Thomas Cathedral and, if I remember right, Mr. Punnose also attended the same church where several of us, 59er David Colaco and his brother, the late 58er Michael Colaco, the Vaney brothers (49er Peter, 57er Herbert), 57er Aubrey Ballantine, teachers Willie Shiri and Willie Patel, were taught to sing a tune under the strict supervision of our choir master, the late Charles Velu.

In Bangalore, Nalini used to attend St. Mark's Cathedral, the church where I used to go to Sunday School in the early 50s. My mom and dad were both members of this church in Bangalore.

I convey our deepest personal condolences, and also from all Cathedralites, to Nalini and her family. They will remain in our prayers.

Midsummer Pelting in Oulu

This Midsummer in Oulu has been a game of ducks and drakes with the weather, sunshine and showers, one day of Arctic cricket and another rained off.

I was sitting at the computer today when there was a huge noise outside. Annikki was yelling down to the cellar, but I could hardly hear her. She came down and asked me whether I had seen what was going on outside.





As I went out the sky looked dangerous. The pond was bubbling like a kettle boiling.



Hailstones the size of walnuts were pelting down. The ground was covered with a white sheet of hailstones. The plastic roof above our heads was taking a pounding. The sound was deafening while the thunder rolled overhead and flashes of lightening appeared in the sky.







I ran up and out of the front door to see the SAAB and my scooter being lashed. Hailstones in lumps was sliding down from the roof onto the car.



I went inside to see our cat, Iitu, watching this from the front window - she usually dislikes any form of thunder and lightening, but this hailstorm got her interested as she was safe by my side.

I have not seen such large hailstones in Oulu during my 24 years here.

This was certainly a Midsummer happening never before experienced by Annikki or me!

It is on a day like today....

Annikki and I have been back in Finland for the last 24 years. We have relatives and friends, and our lives are full of work, friendship and family. (Joanna and family have gone to a friend's summer cottage to celebrate the Midsummer, so we do not have our grandkids around us at this time.)

Yet, as I sat down at this computer wondering what to write, a feeling of loneliness, not mine, but of those in Oulu who have no relatives or friends, crept upon me. I thought about Subramaniam Paneer, the brave young man who was handling the bodies after the tsunami in Tamilnadu and what he told me about how a CHAFF meeting on a Sunday afternnon was an event he greatly looked forward to as it changed a long lonely sit in his room into a wonderful day to meet up with friendly people.

My mind flashed back to the wonderful people who have graced our CHAFF meetings over the years - a Nobel Prize recipient, a visiting US professor, many conference delegates, CEOs of several international companies, and many many simple ordinary folk looking for companionship and a place to talk to someone else on a cold and wet holiday.

It brought my mind back to my days as a Rotarian in the wonderful Madras South Rotary Club where just an hours meeting on a Friday evening meant so much in the life of several tens of us.

There was a call for cricket yesterday by the Indians of Oulu who have settled in so wonderfully in our city. They prayed to the Rain Gods to move the dark clouds on Friday afternoon. They transformed the quiet Ahmatie field into a hub of sporting activity while all the Finns headed out to their summer cottages to have a midsummer ball. They town was empty, but the Indians played and laughed and had fun.

As I sit and watch the rain on this Midsummer Saturday morning, I can hear all those Indians chanting their prayers that this Saturday afternoon the rain clouds will simply disappear and their cricket can continue again, making their fellowship with one another an important aspect of their mental survival!

I have not heard lately how other ethnic communities are celebrating this day, and that I would love to know.

As Annikki's mother, Hilja, is back at home, our heavy work schedule will start as soon as she wakes. I will forget all the lonely people in Oulu for a moment. But that forgetfulness, I assure you, is only for a moment, as my heart goes out to all of you, so far from home and loved ones, that I do wish that the new CHAFF would somehow get back on track to fill that void in the lives of strangers to this city of Oulu.

Talking of Hilja, we have a new chair for her.



She used to have two chairs, a regular wheelchair for transport outside the home and a special chair for her mobility at home (shown above). However, this second chair had very limited functions, especially that there was no reclining position which is important when she wants to rest, not necessarily in bed.



The new chair which we received combines these two chairs - the wheel chair and the standard chair, but it has several more functions such as support for the calves, a reclining position, a good head support, and better mobility in the home.

At present we have all three chairs while Hilja (and Annikki) get used to using the new chair.

In the meantime, Happy Midsummer's day to all of you.

A new sport in Oulu, Gilli Dandu Cricket....

If one was walking around Oulu and looked in the direction of the Väliväinö Green, a delightful small park area adjoining India House in this quiet and peaceful suburb, the last few weeks strange things have been happening there.



The local residents watch with awe as grown men, Indians,



a faithful Finnish convert and



a well trained Finnish dog, (to do the fielding), make efforts to introduce a new sport to the region.




Looking at the handmade objects stuck into the ground, it reminded me of my days of playing gilli dandu in Bangalore in the mid fifties.



The large misshapen object being whipped around to hit a fast moving projectile had some resemblance to something they call a cricket bat.



And the ballerina like poses that the person throwing the ball at this misshapen broad blade stick reminded one of a Swan Lake performance in Covent Garden, London.

A new sport culture is coming to Oulu - and we must thank the Indian Software Engineers for bringing it to us.

Witnessing a Sun Halo

How many of you know what a Sun or Moon Halo is? I certainly did not, but Annikki did.

In The New Collin's Concise Dictionary (1987) it is described as a circle of light around the sun or moon, caused by refraction of light by particles of ice.

I had been reading Samu's Fun Facts book in the car last week. I read that a rainbow is actually round, but we only see half of it above the horizon, and the curvature continues below it.

Today was a truly beautiful summer's day and Annikki was pottering around in the garden, watering the flowers. When she looked into the fish pond, she was surprised to see a rainbow. And she was seeing a full circle rainbow reflection!

She looked into the bright sky, but the blinding sunlight meant she saw nothing. She went to different spots in the garden till she finally saw this enormous rainbow ring, the HALO, around the sun.

She came in, told me, picked up the camera, to try to she if she could photograph it. I joined her and also tried my luck at getting this phenomena recorded.

Top of the Sun Halo.

A rare photo of the bottom of a Sun Halo, the upturned rainbow!

The top right of the Sun Halo.

Without a wide angle lens or proper filters, the above three are the best we could do. Annikki rang the local newspaper and informed them, so tomorrow we may see a better photo on line. I also informed Tony, who was out in the garden, but had not looked up into the sky. He too was excited at seeing this unusual phenomena!

Facebook experiment continues

Although I am not blogging as regularly as before, I am around on the internet. I am still experimenting with Facebook.

I have two pages of photographs associated with my Facebook page at the moment. The first is called "History of JM" where I am putting up photographs of me from my childhood days till today. As I discover new photos from my past in my collection, I scan them and put them up in the annual order I think they were taken. Not much interest to others, but a sort of interesting work for me.

The second page is my experiment with photojournalism of today, where I am recording the days activities in the form of photographs and uploading them on my page called "Jacob's week in pictures". I am trying to make it more interesting as the days go on, but I am not quite a photojournalist as yet.

I am planning to start a new photo page on Facebook. If one wanders around our home, each and every nook and cranny which has the touch of Annikki (not my den which is a mess) is the creative paradise of a great artist. I am trying to photograph all her artistic creations that lie around the house, not as individual items but how she transforms even the simple wasp's nest into a creative artistic form. I am still searching for a name for this page, so if you have a suggestion, please do let me know.

I was planning a page of pictures from my alma mater, Cathedral and John Connon School in Mumbai, but I discovered that one already existed on the alma mater Facebook Group page. I plan to put up the older pictures from my collection on this page rather than start a new page. I do not know whether the younger crowd that populates Facebook will appreciate this history, but it is worth the effort.

There is much to Facebook that I have not yet discovered. Hopefully I will be able to separate the wheat from the CHAFF and create an experience which is rewarding to all age groups that populate Facebook, not just the younger crowd.

Ali Baba's Grotto in Oulu

A friend of mine had tried to call me a few days ago, but my phone was not working.

Aku, Master Rulla Kebab Maker

I enquired his whereabouts from another friend and learnt that Aku was in the process of acquiring a new Pizzeria in Maikkula, a southern suburb of Oulu. It is located on Riihitie.

Samu had his football practice at a school football pitch in the area, so while he was busy, I thought to drop in on my friend.



From the frontage it looks like a very ordinary small pizzeria like one would find in almost every suburb of Oulu. But when I stepped in, I knew that the name was a gross misnomer!

Aku was not in, as Monday is his day off. I was hosted by Serbest, another young man from Iraq. Very courteous and friendly.






As I admired the small room, he pointed to a small archway at the end of the room and asked me to step in and see the larger room inside.






I was surprised to see such a world of treasures adorning a pizzeria . The children's corner was spectacular.

The next time Samu had football practice, we decided to stop and meet Aku. He made us a pizza and offered us a drink, but refused to accept any payment. The pizza was delicious reflecting the many years experience in Goreme, Finland's finest pizzeria, run by two other dear friends, Hasim and Kasim from Turkey.

I told Aku that he needs to rename the pizzeria as Ali Baba’s Grotto!